Dissociation, Depersonalization, Emotional Blunting, but NOT MPD?

I know I do not have multiple personality disorder. I never have missing time or amnesia. I also never feel like I have been completely taken over by another personality. Both of those are two of the key markers of MPD, also known as DID. But I don't dissapear, and I always realize that I am me.



However, while I don't do it often, I dissociate sometimes. I know that is normal, to a degree. I have anxiety, which I know makes a person more prone to it, also, and I usually dissociate when stressed, rather than, at some random moment. I have depersonalized a bit, as well, I believe. Twice (quite a long time ago, though) I felt I was inside my body, but it was diff. than the normal sensation of that. It was as if I was cut off from everything else, and maybe a little detached from the body, though I could operate it. I've also had times several years ago, when I felt a little drugged out or spacy, when dissociating, and I had to ask my friend once if I really said something. I pretty much knew I had- but she said there was even more I'd said at the time, that I didn't recall, but I was not only stressed, but angry, at the time I said it, and a whole lot was said, so it's no wonder I didn't recall all of it well. That was pretty normal. It seemed to be dissociation, though, because I was feeling spacy at the time. Once, under stress, I dissociated and forgot how I knew my friend, but I recognized her. I don't do this a lot, but I do it sometimes, almost always when under stress, which is fairly normal for someone with anxiety, I suppose, and also is connected with BPD.



Worrisomely, though, I did it once, however, when not stressed at all, and another time when I'd been going through a lot of stress, but that night wasn't particularly bad compared to the nights around it, and I still disociated. I also used to block out a lot of my emotions entirely, or blunt them, except for anger. I wonder if that was a type of dissociation or depersonalization. During that period of my life, which lasted a long time, I sometimes cried when I wasn't feeling anything emotionally.



At one point, during the time when I'd said the things I only half way remembered (though I was me and in my body when it happened), which was the day after I'd had a dissociative moment despite not being particularly stressed (though I was under a lot of stress around that time), I had been acting (for months) like I was me, but not exactly. I know people change, and I know situations affect them. I had went through a very upsetting situation- nothing traumatic, but I was depressed. A very important realtionship had ended and I just...shut down emotionally more so than usual, in a way. I was depressed, felt empty, etc., but I was also numb in a way, and I was very cold. I became really selfish because I thought everyone was out for #1, and in order to even break even, I had to thinkt he same way. I felt like a darker part of myself had suddenly grown stronger- it was me, but a part of me that normally stayed at the back, and never stayed at the front for long at a time. Yet, suddenly she was at the front all the time. And the decent part of me was still there, but she grew dim and wasn't calling the shots much. Oddly, during that time, while my writing was the same, I was consciously aware, it was part of me, and I had the same name as always, I did do some tiny little things diff. besides having a diff. personality in a way. I have always opened my pop lids to where the metal tab goes all the way in. I don't even think about it, it always does that. I HATE looking at them part way in, as a side note. Anyway, suddenly, I naturally, always opened them only slightly inward. It was a tiny thing, but I was an adult and had NEVER done it that way in my life. I naturally always applied more pressure. I also went from having trouble looking people in the eyes, and having to force myself to do it enough, to staring a lot unless I forced myself to look away (which I did). Of course, maybe that was because I was shut down and just didn't care anymore, which shut down my social anxiety, which had caused the nervous glancing away.



During that time, people stared at me like crazy, even if I didn't stare at them. I know it sounds paranoid, but I am positive it was not in my head. Groups of people looked at me for a long time, and if I caught them looking, they did not break their gaze, but held mine till I looked away. If I looked again, they still stared. I've been stared at before, but this was not normal. My friend that I hung out with mentioned it, even before I said a word about it. She is sometimes a little paranoid, and perhaps I am, also, but not as much as she is, but this was not something she normally said, and we'd been friends for years, so for her to notice it around the same time I did....I thought maybe it was true. Then, people did it to such a terrible degree, IDissociation, Depersonalization, Emotional Blunting, but NOT MPD?
Your very long question left insufficient space for my usual answer, which may be viewed at: http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_1鈥?/a> on DP/DR. Anxiety; see pages 1, %26amp; i. BPD; pages g, %26amp; x. I suggest that you also adopt effective treatments for stress; see pages 1, %26amp; m.