My name is Jack and i am 19 years old. Here is the problem.
When i go out of my house, i always find people staring at me, i always believe that they are trying to make fun of me or either they are trying some way to kill me. I always think that all people are part of plot and they are always noticing my acts.
I think like people are outside to catch me and beat me for something i have done. I always daydream, even when i am walking. I always have voices in my head which argue which other, giving me a headache. To stop these voices i try to hum a song in my head, but when i hum the song, it get struck in my head and keep on replaying and i can't stop it.
I feel different people inside me. A child inside me always cry because i have no one i can call friend, a psyco inside me always want revenge and always say me mean words. He always influence me for killing people or stealing things. But atleast i am able to control the voices, somehow i am not doing things which they are murmuring in my mind.
I searched on internet and found these voices in mind can be DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but i am not sure. Because i don't have amnesia. But yes, i forget things easily. I can't remember yesterday things except study material. Maybe because i am always lost in my own fantasy world. I told this to dad, and he said that these are voices of my consious mind (i didn't tell about killing people)
Don't know but these voices always take charge of me. Sometimes, i care about me very much like combing my hair and looking good. Otherwise i don't even comb and look mess.
I don't feel emotions, and i feel lifeless. Suicidal thoughts always come in mind, but i don't act over them.
Sometimes i think i am faking those voices because these are coming from my own mind, but why will i fake these voices.
I am bad-tempted, and i shout for small things. The voices are different all the time, some are like good behavior other are destructive. I can hear them clearly but they got no names. They say me as my protector. These voices always give me instructions so i can protect myself from people which i always suspect that they are making plot against me.
I always change bus routes, and cautious about my own moves, i try to protect myself from looking at people face, as i think they can read my mind. But sometimes i feel cool as young guy. I got sleep problems, as these voices always come in head. But if i try hard or shout, these voices stop. But as another day rises, they are back again. These voices always say me to kill my parrents as the voices think they are plotting against me. But i don't believe the voices as i love my parents very much. Sometimes i feel like boy, sometimes like girl, sometimes mature, sometimes psyco, sometimes loving man but sometimes just crazy. I do stupid stuff, can you believe i asked a girl for sex in return for money, when i don't even have good money. It was my huge mistake of my life, as all girls now hate me, and boys make fun of me. They call me crazy, psyco, or just nuts. It is so bad. When i feel angry i feel like killing other people and my heart beat is at high rate, but when i am in social life i feel like panic and my heart feels numb. I am always confused sometimes i think i am having factitious disorder, but why only me in the whole world will have such thing. As i told before when these voices take over, i feel like dissociating, but i know what they are doing. I just feel like a passenger and my body is being driven by voices. At that time i can't control myself except shouting in head to stop this mess. I only forget about yeasterday things, i forget things easily, but i have no blackouts. Is this really something to worry about or are these just my own consious mind. Or i am faking it (Why would i fake this) it's craziness.
Please help me, or tell me medications or medicines which can stop me from daydreaming and stop these voices on head. One thing i forget to tell, i don't like living with people and i spend my time alone (as said before it looks like they are plotting against me) and i am really feared about people (as i said i don't look at people face as i think they can read my mind. One thing more when i stare at people face, i keep on staring (i know it is stupid) but i can't stop. My walking is clumsy and i am a clown in my class (yes, i am good instudies)
Thanks for answers in advance.
One thing more, i only hear voices in head, not outside of head and i don't see things.
I feel like many people inside me or what you call multiple personalities (as i said no amnesia, i only forget yeasterday and offcourse past days). One thing more i can't remember childhood clearly, but when i think hard i can remember everything. I got abused in childhood (but it wasn't that much abuse) My child hood had been all alone, no friends. All treated me bad, called me names, laughed at my clumsy walking. BeatPlease help me with this problem? Please this is really serious, it is making me crazy?
sucks dude
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